Born March 23, 2013.
She is beautiful and perfect.
I'm so sorry if you follow me on Instagram and you got a glimpse of our newest member and then heard nothing more. Life with Berkley has been a whole new adventure and much more than we could have planned for. We are so excited that we were chosen to be her parents and our hearts have grown twice in size since we met her. She is such a blessing to our lives!
Let me start out by saying that Berkley's birth mother is an amazing, strong, courageous young woman. She has had a tough life and is fighting some addictions, but we know that she is strong enough to win. That being said, Berkley was born addicted to Methadone. We were aware that her Birth mom was taking Methadone to fight her long addiction to pain killers. Because she was pregnant, she could not quit her addictions cold turkey without the possibility of a miscarriage. Doctors told her that methadone was the best alternative. It would not cause any serious side effects, but they did warn that the baby would withdrawal when she was born and that it wouldn't be pretty. Methadone is not the same as Methanthetamine. I can't tell you all of the specifics about it, but google can. It is taken daily which makes the withdrawals that much tougher. We were warned that Methadone is the "best" drug to be on for babies if you are choosing, but that the withdrawals are the worst to watch because it was taken regularly.
We prepared ourselves.
We knew that 90% of babies born to mothers on methadone go through some sort of withdrawal, but we prayed to be in the 10%.
Then we prayed. And we prayed hard.
I didn't talk about the entire adoption process on here, because it was too hard and I didn't know what to expect. I also didn't want to hear judgement about Berkley's birth mom because we have gotten really close with her and we love her like a sister now.
I regret that I didn't write about it now, because I know that this blog is a great source of therapy for me and can help others, but at that time I just couldn't bring myself to accept the fact that my daughter would be born addicted to drugs.
When she was born, everything was perfect. We spent three days in the hospital waiting for signs of withdrawal, but we saw none. She was doing great. We thought we had made it out of the "zone" and we were now safe. That our baby had beat the odds.
We were wrong.
The night we brought her home, she didn't sleep at all. We told ourselves that this is just what newborns do, but I think Mr. T and I both knew that something wasn't right. She was crying and she wasn't consolable. Her cry was different then other cries (high pitched) and she seemed really uncomfortable. Then morning would come and she would seem okay. She would sleep most of the day and so we just thought maybe she had her days and nights messed up.
We were in denial.
This went on for a few days and then things took a turn for the worse. The crying became an almost all day thing and we were exhausted and felt helpless. Our doctor prescribed medication that might help her, but it didn't. She was getting no relief and was clearly in pain.
So on Wednesday night, We checked back into the hospital.
We are here now and the doctors have her back on Methadone and will wean her slowly off. She is doing much better, but every day is a new struggle. We are fully relying on the Lord at this point and know that He loves her more than we can imagine and we are resting in His peace.
There are a lot of tears.
I want my family of four to be able to just do life together.
Isabelle misses her sister.
I miss my baby not looking "sick" in a hospital bed.
But we are filled with Joy.
We know that this is the war that the Lord has us fighting and we know that this is exactly where we are supposed to be. We are glad to know that we can be here for her during this time, but our hearts are broken for the MILLIONS of other kids that are fighting battles, like Berkleys, alone. We know that she will be fine, we just pray that it will be soon.
Please, rejoice with us in this awesome new blessing that we have been given and please pray with us that she is healed quickly and comfortably.
I promise to update you now daily.
She needs your prayers. Please.
Philippians 4:6- "Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all he has done."