Easter and a Heavy Heart

This Easter was spent a little different than most. We started last week with Easter festivities with my Nashville family that went perfectly. We had an early egg hunt, we dyed eggs, and we had my first Noonday Party. My Nashville family left to go back to Tennessee on Friday and enjoy their Easter parties there.

That's when our lives changed.

Let me back up my story. I have told you guys a few times before that I am not feeling ready to be pregnant and have a baby. Mr. T and I decided that we would start "trying" to get pregnant after I run the Boston Marathon (NEXT WEEK), but that time is just about here and I still don't feel ready to get pregnant. That doesn't mean that I don't want a child or I want Isabelle to be the ONLY child. I just felt God pulling on my heart, to hang on and not get ahead of myself.

For a long time I have been drawn to adoption (and so has Mr. T), but we always thought we would adopt after our kids were older. We have always prayed about it and lately God has laid it on my heart that our Plan A is adoption NOW. Now, I don't know if this comes across in my blog or not, but I am not good at surprises. I love my life planned out and I love to know what the next step is going to be but every time I think I have it all figured out God shows us that He is in control.

He's done it again.

To wet our feet with this whole adoption thing, we decided to join The 111 project to support OTHERS with their journey through foster and adoption care. We explored all of the options and attended a 7 week class at our church about how we could help and what to expect. I also read  other amazing blogs that were motivating and inspiring.

God continued to work in our hearts.

After we felt comfortable with the idea that maybe our next step would be adoption instead of pregnancy we decided to fill out paper work to maybe take a child home for Easter so they can enjoy Easter festivities and aren't left alone in a shelter (Our local shelter has a program to take children home for the day during holidays...please check your local shelter if you are interested. It's an amazing program that will change that child's life and change YOUR life. I promise).

We had a social worker come to our house and ask us a few questions, look around our house and just chat with us about what to expect.

We were told that we would be able to pick up the child on Easter morning and then bring them back Easter night.

We were told it would be hard.

We were told we would get attached.

We were told the child would get attached.

We thought we were prepared.

We were wrong.

We met two amazing children one night when we volunteered that were 3 and 5 years old. We were immediately drawn to them and asked our social worker if it would be possible to take BOTH of them home with us for Easter. He was excited we had chosen TWO and told us that they would be a great fit for us! We thought, "Perfect! This will be great and we will have fun with them all Sunday!"

Thursday afternoon we got a call saying that we could pick the children up FRIDAY afternoon and have them all weekend.

Are you serious? We weren't prepared for that, but we were ecstatic! We were so excited to share our lives with them for a whole weekend!

We didn't do anything out of the ordinary with them. We took them to the park, we took them to Target to get some new Easter gear, we went to dinner, on a walk, to Church, to Bass Pro (if you know Mr. T., you know this is the norm), and to our family brunch.

Going from 1 toddler to 3 kids, at times, was a challenge. But a challenge that we loved.

The kids were amazing. They didn't ask for a million things at the store, they didn't ask to go see the Easter bunny or for anything specific. They lit up when you told them they were smart. She glowed when you told her she looked like a princess. He smiled and laughed when you told him how strong he was and in a natural boy fashion, didn't want to be called "handsome."

They are normal kids. Normal kids that only want what they don't have...love and stability.

We decided right then and there that even though we may not be able to give them a brand new first car, or every new toy around we could give them what they really wanted and needed. I was born into a loving family. I didn't ask for it. I didn't deserve it, but it was given to me. Ephesians 1:5

They didn't ask for their situation either.

In a matter of 3 days, they changed our lives. We had to bring them back on Sunday evening and it was the hardest thing we've done in a long while. We were powerless. We couldn't keep them. We would have done anything to change that, but we can't.

We came home and immediately began the paperwork to foster/adopt. It will be MONTHS before everything goes through, but we are starting now. I don't know if those kids will still be in the shelter (my prayer is that they're not and that they are in a loving home. Not a shelter). But I know that my child is out there and now I just need to go get them.

We will continue to Walk in Faith.

Because that's all that we can do.