Friday, August 17, 2012

Isabelle Mae

Before I became pregnant , I was completely selfish and self centered without ever really knowing it. I was never forced to think that my actions directly effected anyone else until I got married, and I really never thought that my own well being also meant the well being of my child. As soon I as saw the "positive" words on the pregnancy test, my world came screeching to a halt. The things I ate and drank immediately changed. My sleeping habits were changed without me doing anything (holy exhaustion), but most of all my thoughts changed.  My mind was constantly contemplating what MY child would be like, look like, act like, etc.  It became all I could think about and talk about so when I was about 8 months pregnant, a dear friend of mine told me to write a note to Isabelle before I met her and for each of her birthdays documenting my hopes and dreams for her and how she had changed that year. I told myself that I would put it in all in her baby book and give them all to her on her 18th birthday. 

This year I am sharing the first letter I wrote to her, before I even saw her face.  
Dear Isabelle,

As I sit here reflecting on the last 8 months, I realize how much I actually have to think about. I never could truly comprehend carrying a human being in my belly, but now that you are in there the thought being separated from you is terrifying. I have prayed more in the past 8 months than I have in my entire life...and those prayers weren't for myself or anyone that I have ever met. They have all been for this little life that God gave me. This little girl that God blessed me with. He chose me to be YOUR mom. My eyes often fill up with tears and I feel overwhelmed with thinking "God can I do this?" or "Am I going to be good enough for her?" She deserves so much and I pray that God helps me to be exactly what she needs.

These are some of my prayers for you my sweet baby girl.

-Lord I believe you created Isabelle specifically for Dustin and I. You already know her before I have even seen her. You love her more than even I can imagine. I pray that you will show me how to love her the way you love her and the way I need to love her.

-I pray that you know that your outward image is beautiful. God created you just the way you are. May you strive to be as beautiful on the inside as Christ has made you on the outside in His image.

-I pray that as you grow, you will always stand up for what you believe in. Never let others sway who you are or how you believe. Be strong enough to be different. Difference is what makes you extraordinary..

-I pray that your focus is never on material or worldly things. If you have a lot then know you are blessed. If you have little then know you are still blessed.

-I pray that as you grow, you will strive to be a lady. May you always keep your legs crossed, your cleavage covered, your clothes breathable, and your mouth clean. (Otherwise, I will wash it out with soap).
-I pray that you will have a big heart that loves and shows love to everyone. May you always be willing to help others and give to others.

-I pray that you use all the gifts that God will bless you with for His glory.

-I pray that whenever you make a mistake, you will be quick to realize what you have done and ask for forgiveness. Even when you don't want to admit you are wrong, may you put your pride aside and be humble enough to say you are sorry.

-I pray that you never pick on or ridicule others. Always remember to put yourself in their shoes. If you are the one being picked on then pray for that person or those people no matter how hard it is. Most of the time when someone picks on you, they need a friend the most (Or just tell mommy, and I will take care of it....kidding).

-I pray that you will cherish your virginity. Once it's gone... it's gone. You will NEVER get that gift back. May you know how special it is and how special you are.

-I pray that you will be a hard worker in whatever you do. God has already got a special purpose for you. Once you find that purpose, may you never be lazy, but instead have energy and passion.

-I pray that you will be joyful. Don't be afraid to laugh, dance or be silly. Don't worry about who is watching. Have fun!

-I pray that whatever struggles you go through in your life, may you know that God will NEVER leave your side. May you learn from each struggle and become a stronger woman because of it.

-I pray that when you look for happiness, you don't turn to boys, friends, family or anything of this world. May you always turn to yourself and your relationship with God. People WILL ALWAYS disappoint you Isabelle. We are all sinners and no one is perfect. Be happy in Him.
-I pray that you will have friends that God places in your life that uplift you and are "true" friends.

-I pray that when the time comes for you to be interested with boys... that you will choose wisely and who is everything God desires for you in a partner. May you pray faithfully for a partner and NEVER settle for matter how long it takes for him to find you.

-I pray that you will be able to count your blessings each night and never take one of them for granted.

-I pray that you will know unconditional love.

-I pray that you will show respect to people older and wiser than you.

-I pray that you plant your roots on solid ground and know where you came from. No matter how far you are from home or family.

-I pray that you will always know the importance of family. Your dad and I love you more than ANYONE in this world. We always will.

-I pray that you will always strive to grow in your relationship with Jesus and that you will allow Him to constantly mold and shape you into the woman He desires you to be.

-I pray that you will know just how special you are to me. No matter how much I mess up and how discouraged you become with me... I promise to always try to be my best for you. I pray that you will be able to forgive me ahead of time for my mistakes and failures as a Mother but may you know that I would give my life for you and I haven't even met you yet.May you know that I already love you and over these past 8 months, not a day has gone by where I don't thank God for what He has given me. I thank God for you Isabelle.

I love you and can't wait to meet you and hold you and live the rest of my life with you.

All my love forever and always,

1 comment:

rockinabbs29 said...

Hi! I'm a new follower :)